There is a cold wall at my back and a huge beast in front of me. It's at a distance, but the gap is narrowing quickly. I think it's a dragon, but I'm not sure. I've never seen a real dragon. All I know is that I'm really scared and there's nowhere to run. I need to run. I also need to defend myself but I'm paralyzed. It's like those dreams where you try to scream and nothing comes out or you try to move but your limbs are like lead. Pretty sure I'm about to be eaten alive. Except I suddenly realize that my husband is there. Somehow I know that he can't help me, but his eyes say "you've got this".
A sword appears at my feet (I feel like we should call it the Sword of Griffindor). Ahem. The sword of Griffindor appears at my feet, so I grab it and start swinging. Anthony's standing beside me and I can feel his presence. When my sword breaks (What? Grinffindor's sword doesn't break.), he's got a back-up for me and when sweat obscures my vision he wipes my brow. I can do this.
This was the analogy my therapist used to describe my marriage. Only I embellished it a bit. She said that my husband is my anchor. I already knew that, sort of. I used to call myself needy or co-dependent, but calling him my anchor is so much more flattering. I like the term. It implies that he keeps me centered.
It's not that I'm helpless when he's not around. It's just that I feel safer... stronger when he is around. Or when I know he will be around. I know that no matter what I'm attempting to do he has more faith in me than I do. And if he doesn't, well then there's an incentive to prove him wrong.
When the kids are doing what they do, and I feel like I can't keep up, he is the reason I can remain calm. I know everyone has their different anchors. Some people have running. Some do yoga. Actually, I do yoga, but more on that another time. Some folks have that amazing friend that builds you up and makes you feel like you can take on the world. I have my husband. And that's just fine with me.